A Deal With The Devil

For nine months he lay unable to move or communicate. Total paralysis had overtaken John almost two years ago but until nine months ago the was able to "talk" using a biofeedback device to signal a correct guess of letters on a board. Laboriously he spelled out words in this manner. He had lost the ability to blink or signal in other ways but retained enough muscle response in his neck that barely measurable electrical impulses created slight movements of the needle on the EMG. For the past nine months he hasn't had the strength to do anymore than signal "yes" to a few questions at a time. He lost the stamina it took to spell even a single word.

John was forced to rely on the intuitive questioning of nurses, as his main communication. His only source of meaningful expression was through what many term "psychic connection" with Carl. Carl is able to merge with John's emotions and at times, his images. Often this is done from a remote place, at times it is easier to connect with him in this way. The distractions of the visual images of him laying helpless, looking as though he may die at any instant, are absent.

This allows greater concentration and attention to the "extra sensory" inputs. Impressions are reported to him and he confirms them (movement of the EMG needle) or doesn't respond (no movement) in order to deny them. The degreee of clarity and detail of impressions grows with time and practice. Carl has spent so many hours working with John, physically touching him doing body work and emotionally melding with him that he is usuallly able to check in with John from any location in an instant. Carl is able to constantly monitor John's emotional, spiritual and physical health, when he allows it.

About six months ago, Carl found John had become hidden to him. He thought it was his insensitivity that was the cause, which proved true, but not in the way he thought. Through questioning, we discovered that John found Carl's constant checking invasive at times. His most intimate thoughts and feelings were available to Carl. It was like the greatest insult of all to him to have the last of his privacy stripped away. As it was, he was under the constant scrutiny of nursing staff.. His most intimate bodily functions were on public displany. Victoria, his primary nurse, was careful to include in all decisions possible, but acting in his best interest sometimes caused his dignity and choice to be overlooked. Once a nurse started to give him an enema. He sensed that John was upset and stopped to ask why. John's replied letter-by-letter, "How dare you be so presumptious to stick things in my body without permission." John had always been a proud man and this disease stripped away his power, dignity, choice and self-esteem. Carl's invasion of his privacy compounded that. At times Carl could feel anger and even hatred toward him and yet John was in the humiliating position of needing Carl.

Along with the emotional agony, John is in growing physical pain. His body is in a process of continual atrophy at the cellular level. The vitality of his organs fade stadily. His muscles become increasingly stiff and sore from lack of use and the pressure of his weight laying on them. He often told of the extreme pain the only way he could-with a stream of tears.

On top of the other anguish, confusion and pain that John experienced was spiritual anguish. John had been an agnostic, avoiding anything that had to do with religion and the spiritual aspects of life. Like may people, he had been a childhood victim of existential guilt and spiritual hopelessness that results from organized religions that lose sight of their goals and become economic in their purpose. He was replused by all spiritual practices as the result of abuses by those who profess to be the only ones who correctly understand the nature of life and attack those who refuse to join them in their beliefs. The blatant hypocrisies of those demanding that he live up to their professsed standards of behavior while violating these rules themselves galled him. Those who sought his soul to be added to their savings accounts of conversions that would guarantte them passage to "heaven" outraged him. These experiences left him completely unprepared for the real life, first hand experience of spirtual realms and activities that he experienced without his consent or desire once he became ill. This increaed the anger and confusion that led him into ultimate darkness.

About a month ago, John became withdrawn from Carl's connection. Carl felt anger from him which was not uncommon. John's dependence on him for communication created frustration, which sometimes turned to anger. Transerence was also sometimes an issue, as is the case in most therapeutic relationships. As a psychotherapist, Carl has seen many cases where the client would get close to the core of an issue and become angry with him as a defense against feeling the pain. This is an opportune moment that therapists look for and utilize. As John pulled away and hid from Carl's connection, he respected his need for privacy. He would check in briefly and withdraw waiting for him to resolve whatever was happening. Carl's awareness is not so clear as to understand the details of his issues enough that he could confront him with them. His only option was to wait for John to invite him back into his energy.

John's anger grew and kept Carl from connecting with him for weeks. Victoria grew more aware of his anger and felt it focused on her. She asked him if this was true and he indicated "yes." Before his illness started anger was a major problem for John, and after a few days his anger usually faded, but this time Victoria felt it growing. A few days later she was fearful that he was trying to hurt her energetically. He'd learned much during the course of our work together that had helped his healing, but could also be focused in a way that might cause harm to others. He indicated that it was true! He was trying to harm her. Carl was outraged that he'd use what he taught him to harm someone else, especially a person so dedicated to his care. Victoria felt hurt and confusion.

One thing we learned about those in the realms not focused in physical bodies in our reality, is that those who cause harm to us are fed by anger and hatred. They are diminished by love. Battling these beings usually strengthens them. Staying within the power of love starves them and drives them away. He worked to release our anger and to keep approaching John in a loving way. It occured to us that he was trying to provoke Carl into harming him energetically. He had the feeling John wanted Carl to kill him. John confirmed this.

Carl was confused and still struggling to stay outside of his anger. He connected with John and found him backed up to a wall of darkness with a dark guardian standing between them. The guardian kept Carl from John. Carl withdrew and consulted Victoria by phone. He told her that he was unable to understand what he'd seen. It seemed like John had made a deal with the darkness. Carl said he didn't believe in the devil, but that's what it felt like. She questioned John, asking if he's "made a deal with the devil," using these words. He admitted that it was true. Apparently the pain of living had become so intense that he bargained with this dark force for release.

The revelation of John's bargain left us stunned and confused. Carl sought consultation with a Christian scholar who was well versed in Biblical teachings on the subject. While we disagreed with his advice on how to work with the situation, his words confirmed Carl's experience.

Carl went into meditation and approached John. The guardian sat between them, a dark cloud. Carl felf some guidance, whose origin is unknown, instruct him to blast the guardian with energy from his solar plexus. The energy hit the being like a bowling ball against pins. It shattered. He thought he could then coax John awary form the darkness behing him. The darkness, so complete that it consumed all light, began to swirl creating a vortex. The vortex drew John inside leaving only a small part of John's energy exposed in its' eye. Carl thought he was lost and felt personally responsible. He also felt angry and betrayed.

After examining his feelings and actions, Carl found that he had fallen into the trap of believing that the situation had something to do with him. He felt as though he worked for two years to save this soul and now it was lost. He felt personally betrayed. Then he realized that he too fed the darkness with these emotions.

Victoria felt that John was being influenced by this dark power to say and do things that he had no control over. She met Carl's anger with the assertion that we needed to remain loving and continue to work to save John and to help him find whatever healing was appropriate. Carl returned to meditation and confronted the dark vortex that held John captive. Examining the possibility of control by an outside force, it became apparent that John's responses could not be trusted. They were being manipulated in an effort to have Victoria and Carl feed the darkness as well. Carl demanded that the source of the manipulation step forward. A very smooth, fast talking being came forth, still pretending to be John. His appearance was a classic image of the devil, not with red skin, horns and tail, but well dressed, handsome and silver-tongued. Carl informed him that we understood what was going on and our choice was to help John with love and patience. We chose not to feed him anger and hatred.

That night Carl struggled with the darkness in a semi-dream state. He worked to find a way to pull John from the vortex. He called on many spiritual helpers, Native American guides, angels and the Christ Power. The process was suported by the prayers of Victoria, Wind Women, and Carl's Christian friend. Wind Woman is a Christian Reverend Doctor as well as a Native American who is know for psychic ability and healing talents. Victoria spoke with her seeking advice. She directed Victoria to instruct John in dealing with the situation. She was to tell him that the dark beings that tempted and taunted him were not made by God but were man made. She was to tell him that theses beings feed on anger and hatred and are starved by a lack of these emotions. She said that John must choose love and he should repeat the phrase "I believe in miracles," when he felt the presence of these beings.

John was ultimately retrieved, dragged out and left as if half-drowned and abandoned on the beach after being resuscitated. We could do no more except to offer prayer, support and advice. The choices to emerge from the darkness completely or return were now totally his. During the few days that this crisis lasted, John underwent a graphic transformaiton that bore witness to the terror that he had indured. He is a fairly young man, only 37. In a two day period his beard changed from black to pure white.

While John's morphine dosage was increased dramatically during the course of the crisis, he cut back dramatically in the days following his emergence from the darkness. By releasing the anger and hatred and choosing to reside in love, he releived much of this pain along with the torment and suffering that accompanied it.

Victoria informed John of the decision to choose to not be angry with him and not allow these hard feelings to interfere with care of and for him. She told him we chose to love and support him and we understood that his messages and actions were manipulated by a force outside him. She reported an outflowing of love and relief that overwhelmed her with its tenderness and sincerity. Carl too felt the relief and gratitude John exuded knowing we chose to love him and stand by him rather than attack and abandon him.

Victoria checks with him several times a day now, asking if he "feels the love" and if he "believes in miracles." He confirms these things. As Carl check on him he sees him as having risen above the darkness, enfolded in light, like a Christian painting of Jesus rising from the tomb. He has reached a state of not being attached to living or dying. He is content to be where he is, accepting the lessons and the life granted to him.

He sleeps most of the time now, patiently waiting for death to come. He seems to have found the strength and courage to balance the terror and wonder of life. Sometimes his awareness goes journeying, learning secrets of the spiritual realms that he will on be able to share with in dreams. Energetically he grows brighter and stronger with each day. Those of us entrusted with his care pray for him and bring what comfort and healing we can. We all gratefully accept the lessons his life challenge has brought to each of us. He helps us remember to celebrate every moment of life no matter how difficult it may seem, and to embrace the love in all things. He reminds us to refuse to feed the darkness.

While Lou Gehrig's disease brings terror to those who must face it, John has blessed us with tremendous personal and professional growth allowing us to share his journey. His courage and tremendous will to live have inspired each of us who have walked this path with him to improve ourselves and the deeply feel the preciousness of life. His experiences have opened our eyes to new realms and new ways of living. We thank him for allowing his greatest trial to be a source of constant growth for all of us. He will leave behind a legacy of learning and healing that will serve many thoughout the lives of his health care team members. We believe in miracles.

Written by Carl Brahe, MA and Victoria Hall, RN


2 Responses to “A Deal With The Devil”

  1. What is Evil? | Healing Base on December 21st, 2011 15:27

    […] angry people of the lie are not the type of evil that was encountered by Carl Brahe (read A Deal With The Devil for more information). We can by a stretch of the imagination include Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein, […]

  2. Unlocking Locked-in Syndrome: An Interview Through an Empath | Healing Base on December 25th, 2011 18:40

    […] In the column, "A Deal with the Devil," it talks about the Darkness. Is this for real? Are we to believe there actually is a […]

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